Checking Out

During a recent Skype call with my former sitemate, while reminiscing upon her final months of Peace Corps service last year, she uttered a phrase that seemed wildly apt to describe my status quo: checked out. It had not occurred to me to label my current mentality as such, though once she said it, it rang clear and true-- I am totally checking out. Though I haven't dropped my key off at the front desk or even stepped into the elevator, I am sitting in my room awaiting the arrival of the airport shuttle.

It's true, I'm afraid; it happened without my notice. I haven't felt very invigorated by or engaged with my environment these days. Granted, this was likely brought on due to the natural lethargy and idle hours of summer in Morocco. This time, however, I'm not sure there will be any bouncing back. Which is fine. I've felt for a while now that I've just been killing time-- work stuff has played out pretty much as far as it can go during my time here. The best I can do now is to be a good stepping stone for the next volunteer, preparing information about my service and ideas/possibilities for where things could be taken from here. So I did that. *looks at watch*

What I do find invigorating and exciting are the prospects for life post-PC. I spend a lot of time exploring the possibilities. Though I will undoubtedly miss this place, the people, my friends and sitemate more than I realize at the moment, I'm very much ready to move on-- ready for the next things to come. It is time, and I'm getting pretty antsy because technically, it is not time just yet. Of course there is still lots of opportunity for good stuff during the remaining months, as you never know when it's coming or from where. It's just more of a struggle than ever to be present for it. Even on a walk with a friend outside of the neighborhood, surrounded by fields and low green mountains, I find myself thinking of the French countryside, old buildings of Copenhagen, finally seeing my family and Illinois, exploring the Bay area, going to school, applying for jobs, walking down a "normal" sidewalk, being in America again...